THE STORY OF MY AWAKENING
Natalia Zhuk (MINSK)
I first became interested in discovering the Truth spontaneously early in my childhood. An intention to get to know God first emerged back then. During my teenage years I began searching for information about divine laws and was gathering it little by little. As I was becoming older and more mature I came across various literature, some books which I first saw in my dreams (before then I didn't know those authors/ book titles), others by noticing them in a large library, Osho, Upanishads for instance. At a later stage in my life training for gestalt therapist helped me become aware of my feelings, understand and express them better, sense other people better.
There was a place for suffering too. In fact, it was the biggest motivator for continuing my further development. Life was introducing me to the right people, teaching me how to live in contributing rather than egoistic mode, giving back selflessly.. For example, my uncle who appeared suddenly in my adult life, knew the method of the Universal Energy transmission and convinced me to join a course to learn the method so that I could help other people. Once I’ve learnt the method from a master I started passing this energy unconditionally to people who asked me for help. I was also passing energy to my town and country.
Only after this process had begun the first child came into our family. Three days before my son’s birth I felt a sensation of intense depth and volume, just like in childhood before going to sleep. This volume became infinite for few minutes. Back then I didn’t yet understand what that meant. The first child provoked various egocentric and negative feelings in me, which before than were concealed and were not as noticeable to me. Having worked through them with much effort and having healed myself, I discovered a teaching that has influenced the choice of my purpose in life. While reading this teaching I began to understand better what I truly wanted - find my true Self and be myself. One day I asked God to help me meet my true Self and to my surprise I started getting this experience straight away. A powerful stream of energy entering through the top of my head started cleansing me. And then I felt such sensations that cannot be described with words. But I have remembered, recognised myself, this volume or space aware of itself every moment. It was present even at night during the sleep, lasted for a day and then disappeared. Nothing in this world, not a single pleasure cannot be compared to the this powerful experience. Once it was over I was not able to return to this state again, adaptation to ordinary daily life was extremely difficult. That experience had played a key role in defining the goal of my life - to step on a spiritual path in order to come out of the rebirth cycle and suffering. I started living by that teaching.
After the birth of the second child the struggles in my inner and outer life elevated to new highs. I was fighting with the life, without even being aware of this and unable to accept it the way it was. At the same time I was misunderstood by people close to me and I felt lonely. My efforts brought to me one more powerful experience of awakening which lasted just over a month. However, due to the challenging life circumstances I was unable to remain in that state and soon enough suffering was knocking on my door again. During the next three years I continued spiritual work focusing on dissolving the walls of the ego. I discovered my own way of serving others, through my job - nursery teacher. Serving others (children and their parents) through this profession gave me an enormous support during the most difficult moments of my life. After some time I've given up but continued to dream about meeting the teacher, meeting like minded people who would have shared my goal. Life gave me one more chance, although it had to prepare me well for this encounter otherwise I would not recognised it’s value.
At an introductory lesson I learned about the course where it was possible to learn how to stop uncontrolled mind activity and at a later stage learn meditation from the teacher. After the course I intuitively continued the practice and only after few months I have discovered that the goal of this practice was exactly the same as mine, that Genady leads his students towards this point: complete freedom and exit from the illusory world of mind. I felt eternally grateful to life for giving me such opportunity
Having attended the classes and observed the teacher for some time, I understood that he speaks of exactly the same points as other teachings I’ve read, only in a very simple manner and he also gives practical steps in this direction. Genady emanates so much love and it penetrates deep into the heart, and takes it right into the Source while in his presence. He is so simple and humble and this has won me over forever.
Only by making a first practical steps it was possible to continue learning from the teacher. The team started being formed right before my eyes, for some students this was very challenging time, but for me the beginning of this Path felt relatively easy as I have previously done a lot of work for dissolving my ego. However, the further I progressed with the practice the more difficult it became to maintain balance between work, family and practice. Some challenging circumstances as well as negative emotions suppressed in the past came my way. I had to look deep inside, right into the darkest corners, relive depression and then come out of it with the help of the team and the teacher. In one year I had to work through everything which I could not do during my whole life, including 5 years of gestalt therapy. I knew that this path was difficult, but did not expect it to be to such extent. About two years in practice were very difficult for my internal and external life, but I found courage to change and overcome and patch up life circumstances. I also stopped fighting with life and was very happy to see that the new students joining the team did not have to face such challenges - the level and potential of the school was growing with every year and we could pass the knowledge in more effective ways. My husband also completed one of the courses, he then attended the classes for few months, met the teacher and learned about the education system but decided to not continue - his motivation was not strong enough. At least he understands me, knows what my goal is and why I attend retreats, he respects my choice and helps with looking after children.
Throughout the time of the course I completed a number of closed retreats (available only for students of the school), during which I received a personal primordial sound meditation. Once my personal challenges were resolved, life became comfortable and so my determination has dropped. I felt cut off from the source, lifeless and emotionless, it was a time of many disappointments. But I continued walking the path not for myself but for other students of the school, teacher and this was saving me. Continuous meditation practice together with the team and the practice of sharing the knowledge in various format gave me an opportunity to touch upon the source of life, this in turn gave me an experience of unconditional love and bliss. In the last six months preceding awakening I began to experience these bliss flowing out of my heart. At times these states were so powerful that my body could barely survive them. Years of practice prepared me to endure such experiences and even carry out my duties at work and home.
This summer I dedicated myself to practice fully. Participation in the 3 day retreat in Minsk helped me gain back my confidence and determination. My friends from the team one by one started entering the first phase of awakening. The joy and excitement about this gave me back belief in myself. Organisational activity within the team became more aligned, there was more unity, harmony in relationships and I was able to contribute more effectively. Soon I realised that the goals and projects that were given to us by the teacher became my main priorities, more important than anything else in my life. I was just acting upon instructions overcoming myself, overcoming my ego. One time during group meditation I felt as if something opened up at the top of my head, a sensation of a 3D volume appeared and gradually I started experiencing the field all around; the body was so relaxed that it was difficult to move. This was then followed by intense state of bliss and peace; my mind became completely blank and after meditation was over I did not want to talk or even open my eyes. I dropped deep into present moment. My kind friends took me home that day and after one week a similar state has recurred in my meditation although this time I was able to function in that state - walk, talk to others. The body was learning how to move in that dense field of bliss that was penetrating every inch of my body, outside and inside.
One week after I again experienced a similar state during meditation, but it was less intense. At that point I felt that some transformation was happening inside my head. Previously during the practice I was used to being present inside my heart or head, but now I began to experience presence above my head and right around my body. I began to perceive myself as a consciousness penetrating the body and extending far beyond it.
The presence in the moment became deep and effortless. Next morning when I woke up this state did not disappear. For me this process was very gentle and gradually I noticed how easy it became for me to just be, accept everything the way it is. The inner and outer struggle disappeared. I live and act in the present moment, I am present in the now continuously. I can see thoughts and not associate myself with them. The desire to help people, compassion and empathy became stronger. I noticed that when I put my best efforts in sharing the knowledge and helping others to walk this path this state comes back and feels brighter. Some time ago before falling asleep I had an experience similar to the one from 9 years ago when I first experienced my true nature. Few weeks later the teacher confirmed my awakening.
Now I often feel as if some force pulling me upwards from the top of my head, as if all my essence wanting to rise up to the next levels of consciousness. Previously I also experienced present moment quite often, but for me it was boring. What I was observing all around was not interesting. But now being present in the moment and feeling my true nature fills me with pleasant experiences, at times peace, at times quite happiness, sometimes the feeling of love, sometimes bliss.
Living in the present moment became very interesting; everything around began to feel so dear, as if part of me, no matter where I was; a subtle feeling of home was always with me. And this in turn gave me confidence, a feeling of total freedom and a quite happiness. A desire to share this with others has become stronger. I often feel this force that fills not only me but those who are close to me.