THE STORY OF MY AWAKENING
Yuliya Kyssa (MINSK)
Since an early age I was an unusually bright and inquisitive child. I spoke to adults on equal terms and I was enjoying social interaction. I enjoyed life and the events that took place in it. Up until 20 years old I had a life of a golden child who needed nothing. I was spoiled and selfish and received everything I wanted without much effort. At the same time I felt that I was missing out on something important in my life. After some time, I realized I was lacking a certain depth. I was looking for people who would share my aspirations and interests. Natural prudence and common sense did not allow me to drop the ball and engage in self destructive activities, instead the search was started. I was looking for meaning of life in other people and in the world around me. I always wanted to understand the reasons and mechanisms of life. I was asking a lot of questions.
Then there was a turning point in my life, which has changed me completely. At this stage, I met face to face with human treachery in its various forms, loss, deadly diseases and, finally, with death itself. I experienced such pain, which barely survived. Survived, thanks to the support of close people, I couldn’t do this alone. Several times in one year, my life was completely destroyed. When you face death, you feel all your helplessness. When a person dies on your hands and you can not do anything, it kills you. Even the strongest people can break down. Grief cleanses you and brings you closer to the truth, of course, if you have enough strength and awareness. I had just enough. The last straw was a car accident that I was involved in, my whole life flashed before my eyes like a movie. I realized that I needed help. I was not able to find my way out of the dead end by myself. I was dying of helplessness and misunderstanding how to get through this and above all - WHY ALL THIS WAS HAPPENING TO ME, as before that time everything was fine.
I am a natural psychologist so I discover life through the prism of psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, people and a lot of different techniques and physical practice. Over a year I’ve been gaining knowledge by communicating with people, learning about life through my mind and body. Then I also began to study psychoanalysis, I’ve devoted about a year getting to know myself. By that time, I had already understood the laws of life quite well. I felt all its event perfectly and saw signs that it showed me, I started to clearly hear my inner voice. However, there was no happiness. It went away after the death of my brother so I kept searching.
My mind was already saturated, the physical practices were entertaining but they did not give depth. After I read Andrei Bashun's book " A Talk with an Angel", I decided immediately to attend the "OPEN HEART" course. At that moment I already heard my innervoice quite well and was sure that I needed exactly this. In this regard, taking this decision for me was much easier than for other guys, I explain this by inner readiness - when there is no doubt, you feel your nature, there is straight knowledge so you just go for it.
Although it was very hard, saying that it was hard was not even close to the reality. During the first month of the course I received so many insights and new understandings, I’ve not had for the whole previous life. Such stream of information and light just knocks the ground from under your feet. The speed of progression depends on how quickly you give back, on the desire which must be followed by the action, I was obsessed with it. Spiritual work took the first priority in my life. Once the course was over I hesitated for some time, thinking whether to continue studying at this school or not. In fact, I deliberately bargained with life, because I knew exactly what I needed, but I also knew that this was a difficult path. In spite of this doubt the DECISION has been made.
I would say that SPIRITUAL WORK is the most difficult path of all. The decision was made and I continued education at school. My GOAL was to AWAKE and I wanted to reach it as quickly as possible. The DESIRE was total so I moved like a bulldozer, not paying attention to experiences, objections of the mind and all sorts of resistance. Thanks to interaction with other students, I realized that I did not need any more trials and pains to reach my GOAL. I was ready, I just needed time to recover physically and mentally. Every time when overcoming myself, it seemed as if I could no longer stand it. However, I could and the walls of ego continued collapsing time after time. Sometimes it was so painful that it seemed like I was dying. In fact, some parts of what appears to be you, which is EGO, were constantly dying and falling off.
HAPPINESS appeared. Finally I started to smile and even help other people.
Of course, without the team and my relatives it wouldn’t be possible.
Almost a year after the start of my spiritual practice at the school, a RETREAT in Latvia was being scheduled during which I experienced a complete surrender. As I was being given primordial sound meditation I experienced a tremendous JOY and the sense of celebration overwhelmed me. The next day, during individual programme in the forest, an understanding came to me - "There is NOTHING ELSE TO BE DONE. You have oame HOME ». Tears of happiness flowed through my eyes as homecoming is the biggest event in the life of all. This is what we are born for. Huge joy filled me from the fact that all the suffering and pain was suddenly left behind forever.
You’ve walked along the road for a very long time, you collected a huge baggage of different experiences, unexpressed emotions and mental concepts. You were carrying this baggage, which was unbearable, but still you continued walking because you saw the target. On the way to this goal you met many good people, who shared your path for a while. And, finally, you’ve arrived. You dropped all the luggage, appeared at home in safety and warmth, where it feels calm and well. And most importantly, you do not need to go anywhere else anymore! Deadly tiredness gave way to relaxation.
I have always perceived life through senses and feelings as opposed to intellect, so during the practice I had many different experiences and samadhi states. Over the time I stopped paying attention to them and focused all my attention and energy on walking on this path. EVERYTHING CHANGES IN THE WAKEFULNESS STATE.
This is an extremely interesting process - everything remains the same and completely different at the same time. You look at your relatives, as if you see them for the first time in your life. In fact you perceive your life as it really is for the first time. Every moment is absolutely beautiful and full. At first it was very difficult to live with such intensity.. It took several months to adapt to completely NEW PERCEPTION OF LIFE, overwhelming emotions, JOY AND HAPPINESS from what I HAVE seemed to tear me from within. This was noticed by the people who were close to me and they also changed.
What did the awakening give me? FREEDOM, the purity of the perception of the world, PEACE and absolute HAPPINESS, regardless of external circumstances. This is the best thing you can do for your family and the world totally. To wake up and to help other people to do this. Because when you are so happy and full, you need to share it.
AWAKENING is not the end of the PATH. Not at all, it just the BEGINNING. Because further processes take place quite differently, on a different level. Everything happens easily, the inner work becomes more subtle. You no longer act through constant effort, but you do it easily and naturally.
Awakening is a very NATURAL PROCESS, to which each of us will eventually come. The question is - how quickly and how painfully. Through awareness and gratitude and in a team it is possible to do this much easier and faster.
Not many people are ready for doing such INTERNAL WORK, THIS PATH IS FOR STRONG AND MATURE SEEKERS! And while walking on this path you gain absolute FREEDOM and start living happily and fully.